My Miscarriage Pregnancy Journey

Hello everyone!

Today I want to let you in on my miscarriage story. If you are in the trying to conceive community or pregnancy community on YouTube, you know about the struggles that many of us women have with miscarriages.

When I had my miscarriage, my husband and I were not planning on having a baby. We didn’t even think I was ovulating. But I was. Yes, I was ovulating and I got pregnant.

Just because my child was not planned doesn’t mean that the child was unwanted. I have always wanted to be a mom. And finally, I was a mom. I was so excited I started looking up information immediately. I even told my husband over the phone. He didn’t believe me or maybe he was just shocked. At the time we had been married one month shy of five years, and this is the first time I got pregnant.

I made an appointment to a pregnancy clinic in order to get everything confirmed. The pregnancy test at the clinic confirmed a positive result. The booked a follow-up appointment for me a few days later. I didn’t know that I had to do another pregnancy test at that appointment. They told me that they liked to confirm their results. The pregnancy test was positive but the nurse commented that the line was light. Her statement kind of bothered me but I chalked it up to not being my first morning urine and drinking a lot of water that day. They then scheduled me for an ultrasound a few weeks later.

The days leading up to the ultrasound I was very nervous. For some reason, my mind kept telling me that something was going to be wrong with the baby. Maybe it was all of the miscarriage stories that I was reading online. If you are pregnant especially in the first trimester, don’t look at these types of things.

On the day of my ultrasound I was supposed to be 7 weeks and 5 days pregnant. The tech told me that I was measuring 5 weeks and 5 days. I was really concerned. She told me not to worry about it. She said my dates could just be off. But I knew in my heart that wasn’t the case. I knew that I had lost my baby. However, we booked a follow-up ultrasound for 2 weeks later.

During those 2 weeks I started spotting then full on bleeding. I was horrified. Everyone I talked to tried to give me a glimmer of hope. I would read stories of women that had heavy bleeding during pregnancy and I prayed that I was one of those cases. But then I started having contractions. I knew it wasn’t good. But even through all of this emotional pain the physical pain was minimal. I have had menstrual cramps that felt worse. It was almost a painless process.

With everything that was going on with my body, I chose to shut everyone out because I didn’t know what to tell them. I didn’t know if I was still pregnant or not, and I was really sad.

When my ultrasound rolled around I knew that I wasn’t pregnant anymore. I told the tech about the bleeding but we had a look anyway. All we saw was a little bit of extra blood in my uterus. I had passed the sac and had no retained tissue. It was all over. This was my first proof that my dream had been crushed.

I cried and cried sobbed and sobbed. I kept telling my husband that I felt empty inside. He really didn’t understand why I was taking it so hard. But I tried to explain to him, that I had a connection with my baby as soon as a saw the pregnancy test turn positive.

Even though I lost my child, there are some positive aspects to the story.

1. It made me more sensitive to the needs of others. I am not as judgmental as I once was. You never know what someone else is going through.
2. It made me realize that I desperately wanted to be a mother and I didn’t want to wait any longer.

The tech told me that we should wait at least 3 cycles before conceiving again, in order to reduce my risk of miscarriage. Even though some doctors may tell you this, my research showed otherwise. I read that the sooner you get pregnant after a miscarriage the less likely for it to happen again.

My husband and I started trying right away and got pregnant immediately. Today I am 28 weeks and 5 days pregnant.

I feel like the child I miscarried, named Madison, gave it’s life for the child I have now. Madison brought us so much joy from the moment that we knew he or she existed. I will never forget my baby.

The things that I have experienced in the past several months is what prompted me to start this blog. When need a place that gives them all the answers.